#1

"Dance inside"

I remembered a song that played while i was in my dad's funeral procession, I'm not sure if this was it, but I know it had other kind of meaning to it, and I don't know, I guess It shocked me to hear something just start playing when I was on the way to declare my dad's non-existence in the world. (this song has nothing to do with my dad other than the fact it started playing randomly).

You don't have to move, you don't have to speak
Lips for biting
You're staring me down, a glance makes me weak
Eyes for striking
Now I'm twisted up when I'm twisted with you
Brush so lightly
And time trickles down, and I'm breathing for two
Squeeze so tightly
I'll be fine, you'll be fine
This moment seems so long
Don't waste new, precious time
We'll dance inside the song

What makes the want to shake you down?
Each touch belongs to each new sound
Say now you want to shake me too
Move down to me, slip into you

She sinks in my mind as she sheds through her skin
Touch sight taste like fire
Hands do know what eyes no longer defend
Hands to fuel desire
I'll be fine, you'll be fine
This moment seems so long
Don't waste new, precious time
We'll dance inside the song

What makes the one to shake you down?
Each touch belongs to each new sound
Say now you want to shake me too
Move down to me, slip into you

And I'll be fine, you'll be fine
Is this fine? I'm not fine
Give me pieces, give me things to stay awake

What makes the want to shake you down?
Each touch belongs to each new sound
Say now you want to shake me too
Move down to me, slip into you

Move down to me slip into you...

haven't posted anything in a while

This weather is unbearable. Basically it'll go from 50 to 80 on a two day basis and i don't have any shorts that will go with the whole new look i've been trying to have. I'm fine with the heat if it will just stay hot, and not jump around like an kid with RLS and caffiene patches.

I'm sick of people betraying other people and I hate how idiocy can come from the worst of places. Its the one's closest to you that have the greatest chance of patting you on the back with steak knife. I only trust maybe two or three people outside of my family (who i have issues trusting anyway). And one of those people i'm kind of emotionally afraid of.

I think I may be in a band with Isaac, Samuel, and Seth. So that makes 3 bands if you count the church one. Mack asked me to be lead guitarist in his band thats supposed to play with skillet and them at some christian rally in kentucky. I agreed, but then decided not to cause i don't think i really want to put myself out there to be anything more than a co worker with the guy who ruined one of the best friendships i had ever had (not with him, mind you). Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Devin and I are working on getting our friendship back, only basically her entire family hates me though. I guess I kinda deserve it cause i indirectly caused a lot of problems. I mean hey, I don't think I'll ever get her back in the way I want, but at least i'll have my best friend and she'll be happy, she really needs a break in life.

It was 80 something degrees today, and i was wearing jeans and a dark colored shirt playing ultimate frisbee. The score was "tied" 9 to 9 (brittany can't count). Oh and I think i actually tanned for the first time in my life.

Interesting new phrases from yesterday:
-FALCON PUNCH!
-Falcon Piss! (in reference to smash bros at alex's)
-"haha hey guys, its kinda like talcom.... TALCOM POWDER! it puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose." (Ryan)
-"sooner or later I'm gonna start thinking of important things that will have some kind of meaning in my life." -Isaac
-"ride the balogna wagon" -Isaac
-"Dude you could sell your baby for 185,000" -Isaac
"yeah man, start a business with that money to make sex-ed videos" -Samuel
"Lets all just write a song about this, and I'll get on my homework later Isaac, no pun intended" -Me


So yeah... thats basically yesterday and today.

The old, the new, the similiar.

A memory faded,
Time lost.

A memory strong,
Time wasted.

A memory only a memory,
A joke.

A memory motivation for new memories,
Time well spent.

Giving up is as giving in,
When the world's pressure
is not too much for the out,
but within.

Let out some steam and make some noise.
Make some new memories and some joys,
For today will not be the same as yesterday,
When it starts to rain it doesn't take away your choice to play.

Be there for me, I'll be there for you.
The sky may be cloudy but on the otherside its true
that when rain comes down I'll be there with my shirt
To wipe your eyes and hold you close by.

Just one think I ask, please I say to you.
Don't take me for granted, don't say I wasn't there.
Your all that I had for the time on which I dwell.
I had fallen so far, and now I'm well.

The stars.

The world just seems to move forward.
While there are people rejoicing, people suffering,
The seasons change as they always did.
The summer doesn't seem to care who it burns,
and an autumn harvest's surplus,
cares not for the ones dying of starvation.

I knew you were crying when you thought I was smiling,
But you just never seemed to ask.
We all suffered,
Through pride and selfishness.
The stars told me the story,
and your stained cheeks told me you were lying.

Isolated,
I was sitting betrayed alone.
Remembering your head on my chest,
and my arms around your shoulders.
The stars told me the story,
and my stained shirt reminded me to keep trying.

But the world just seems to move forward.
While there are people rejoicing, people suffering,
The seasons change as they always did.
The summer doesn't seem to care who it burns,
and an autumn harvest's surplus,
cares not for the ones dying of starvation.

March..... somethingeth

Sitting on the couch listening to trivium waiting to go to the curch's "girl thing" so I can play guitar and hang with rachel and casey.

Finding lyrics for my ipod so i can just tap the screen and see what i'm singing.

Burning up in these black pants and shirt.

And now i'm going to go, so I can enjoy the sound of the rain on the windows and the cars going by. I love the rain.

In the long run...

I guess I just don't care anymore. I feel better off this way, so.. no big.

Itunes

Anyone have any idea for some cool bands? Cause I got some money on my itunes and I don't want to spend it all on apps for the touch.

Suggestions much appreciated

Birthday

kinda blew.

Basically cold and wet... as you already know.

Mom buying herself stuff.. when i'm obviously having a bad time (I mean seriously, I know its selfish to be like buy me crap for my birthday, but you could at least act like it was my birthday)

I lost in the competition, but there were 1500 other people just as smart as I am there.

And apparently DECA is a big deal in norfolk.. we took up half the civic center just to announce awards. everyone was all dressed up and stuff. it was fun, retarded, and depressing all the same time lol.

Saturday night consisted of Microwaved Chinese and strawberry fanta while watching American Dad with Casey in the suite.

Then after that, until about 2:30. Casey slept on the bed next to my pull out couch while we talked through facebook constantly laughing at my mom's inability to have a normal snore. By the way, its freakin hard to type on an ipod touch..... but it was fun.

I kinda wished we could've just drove through the night and ended up at home this morning so i could go to church.. I like church, i feel welcom there.

I've got a few cash gifts... but i wish i could've just gotten money instead of a trip to norfolk.... I need a car, not erin/dad's hand-me-down piece of foot smelling crap.


oh well, some from an old friend still leaves me believing my own personal wind will take me where I need to be... this is just another tornado/thunderstorm made to break me apart.

Well...

Its been a while since I've written anything.



My socks are wet, and i'm sitting on the floor of a best western suite in norfolk over looking the beach on this dreary cold and wet day.

I mean, it is in fact my birthday, but i don't feel any different... thats what i hate about my birthday... it all feels the same.

I dont have the drive to get friends together and celebrate.. the last two years someone else has helped me with that. thank you.

This year I have my mom, my friend casey, a laptop, and an ipod to get through the day. Wish me luck tomorrow at the competition.. considering theres over 200 teenagers here for the same reason, and i'm the only one from franklin county.. it'd be amiracle if i won anything.

goodnight. thank you for your happy birthday wishes.

Guess what.

I won an Ipod touch. thats all for today..

Actually, i'm goin bowling, too. with casey, and the church, and kristen.

Wednesdays

Wednesdays are probably the busiest day of the week for me, but usually the most eventful.

Yesterday I went from school, to lunch with mom, to voice (I can hit a high D full voice now :D), to work, to Liberty.

Liberty was great, had a pretty fun ride there picking on casey the entire way, and falling in the isle. Liberty was cool. The band was great, and the speaker had a great message.

Then we went to Mo's, I didn't eat, but I just drew on the back of a "how's our service" card.

Drove to the church, then brought Casey home, and I didn't get home till 12:30 or something.

So yeah, wednesdays.

2 hour conversation, destruction and rebirth

So i just had a 2 hour conversation with Dee.

I may not be wise, but I'm capable of finding someone who is. I forgive everyone! Truly I do. When I see you I will smile like every other person and know that no one will be hurting me the same way again. "I cherish the loss, a gentle reminder" -enter shikari

So forgive and forget is what I'll do, I'll delete everything, erase everything, forget all the lies, forget all the things I know are still being said behind my back when i turn away. But like that quote says, thank you for letting me be a little wiser, I'll cherish the loss, a gentle reminder as to not be hurt the same way again.

Starting tomorrow, I'm deadicating myself to the Lord. He can heal me now that I'm putting him first. I will become a leader at what I do, and perfect my craft, my gift of music. I will be known for my selflessness, my generosity, my ever growing kindness towards all of his children.

That is my new years resolution (though it is a little late), and I'm putting all of my willpower into it, all of my persistant nature into the fact that i will not hold grudges and I will be capable of forgiving all of everything in the past present and future.

Goodnight world, this dense infected forest of pain will be set ablaze tonight. The ground will be nourished by its destruction and out of that, beautiful confident trees will grow once more.

Dreaming with a broken heart

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?

Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

-John Mayer

His lyrics are amazing... They can apply to a lot of things in basicly anyones life. I kinda just like to sit and think about em for a while, and i like this song.

Sacrifice

So, after church last nigh, I actually thought about what I was telling everyone. You can only measure how much something means to you by how much you're willing to sacrifice. I've only wanted to sacrifice music for one person, but that's irrelevant. It has to be both ways, I guess. Anyway....

I'm at home, anyone wanna talk? I'm gonna go to work at 12. sooo..... I'll probably still be here till then.

Oh, and I may be buying myself a mustang for my 18th birthday. That, or some kind of convertible, can't wait :).

Not celebrating valentines day

Yeah, I've only had about 3 good Valentines days in my life, two of which were with someone who there is a mutual feeling of hate for now (surprisingly enough).

2007 embarassing (now burnt) teddy bear, picture frame (trash), and a lot of candy
2008 skating, panera (funny lady at the counter gave us two straws lol), heart shaped box(trash/destroyed)

2009........ i think i'll just go to casey's choir thing. She's a good singer.

By means of comunication

I can't like you without loving you.

I can't dislike you without hating you.

I can't ignore you when you exist.

This is harder than expected.

But my persistence is in this, not you.

I remember who you were.

I don't know who you are.

I remember all the good times.

I remember all the daily joys.

I remember how you cried, I remember why.

I remember how I hurt you.

I remember how you hurt me.

I remember how I was walked on.

I remember how you lied.

And now this is all I have to talk.

It is my only means of communication.

Discoveries and songs

So today, in math analysis, I figured out that people really can't think for themselves. The have no interest in what is unnatural to them.

f(x)=abs((1/x)-2)+3)

Seriously people, just plug and plot, it doesn't take a genius...

Anyway, so that's an average day in math (and we're still on review... just to throw that in there). I'm gonna meet my mom for lunch in about an hour and then go to voice lessons. Nick is funny, he kinda acts a little gay, but he's funny lol. So far on my list of songs I have one from Pipin, another from Les Miserables, one from fiddler on the roof, one from Two by Two, and another from.. the beatles. (lol) I'm getting better, I have a range of about 2 octaves and a third (average range for people is 1 and a half octaves or so). Then with falsetto I can basically go up another major 6th.

I actually impressed my guitar teacher for the first time yesterday cause I could keep up with him in the weird exersice he came up with. And it snowed when casey and I were in roanoke. (but never touched rocky mount).

Anyway, so I have lunch, voice, then i'm picking up T.K. (he wants a job teachin drums), then I go to work, Casey is going to meet me there, and then I have church tonight. My days are so full of stuff...... but its alright. At least I'm not as bored as I was.

Rain Days????

So last week, our school decided to be canceled for rain, for two days in a row. This week, when it actually snows, we get nothing.... Damn administration, they don't know what they're doing.

It's not like it really bothers me. I mean, yesterday I decided to skip and hang out with Casey, just because.... And then I hung out with Mack for a couple hours at Westlake. We tried to figure out the steel lap guitar.... Also my school days only consist of Physics and Math analysis, so I get out of school about the same time my sister wakes up everyday (11:45).

Yesterday-
-waking up casey at 6:50, hung out from 8am-9:30pm.
-watched silence of the lambs
-went to work at 12
-saw mack
-lap guitar
-new amps
-Mack stealing Casey's phone
-Me practicing triplets on double bass (gettin good)
-Me trying to write a solo to "The Dead Dream Forever"s newest hit single lol
-"Hey, Aaron... Do you ever get homesick?" LOL
-Some kid who always comes into westlake music to just play enter sandman...
-Starbucks and Gushers
-an hour conversation to a friend I haven't talked to in 5 years
-Hypnotic snow (don't put on your high-beams)
-"I believe I can fly!" LOL (again)
-Piper sleeping on my back (she's so cute)


Today-
-Wake up at 6:20 to drop mom off at work
-Realized school is not cancelled
-Kelly- "Did you do something with your hair?....no?...ha"
-JOHN DON!
-Physics- "It sucks... my son is better at me when it comes to... everything...... Except physics."
-Brettinie and I falling asleep in M.A.
-Erin going to get lunch
-Me practicing voice
-NEW BLOG!


Anyway... No day will be as eventful as last wednesday... Speaking of which, I think the lady totalled my car (if i haven't already said that in another blog). So I'm lookin for a convertible now.

Anyway, I'm gonna go pick up Casey, then guitar lessons, then church. See ya.

A country song.

So I was at work with Casey, and I had really creative hour or so with writing music.

After a while i remembered someone say something at work or something, an idea for a country song, and I think it said "I can't get over you, until you get out from under him."

So I think i'm going to modify it and write a country song (though i hate country) that's name is "I got over you, when I found out you were under him."

Ha its perfect!

another 90's vehicle

Sharing cars with my mom is bothersome.

Cause we always need to go out of our way to pick the other up.

So we went out to check on some "jerry's autosales" place.

I'm gonna get a black 98 intrigue, and I have to pay for it over the course of 16 months.

I get to pick it up today so i'm excited.

The car is great, the only problem is this one dent near the driver's door that lets air in, but that could probably be fixed with a hammer.

Strong tower

So, today I sang in church at practice, and I guess christian was surprised that i was good lol. (it seemed sonny was too.

My favorite was "strong tower." I suck at low notes, so the high ones came naturally and sounded better.

It actually is pretty easy to play and sing at the same time.