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So, I realized today i only play those one player video games if I'm depressed.

Halo, Smash Bros, Double dash, and things that you can have a group play, yeah i'll play those anytime someone else can do it, too.

But as for things like Final Fantasy, or Oblivion. I noticed that over the past 4 years of my life, since i moved here, i've only played after a tragedy.

Tragedy 1:

I moved here. No offence to virginians, but virginia kinda blows. Its slow paced, and boring.
I got into video games, I didnt have many friends. So i just isolated myself, thinking I wasn't good enough really, or that i'd just be wasting other people's time. I had lost my girlfriend, and a few best friends because of moving.....

Tragedy 2:

I'm failing classes again. I lack motivation. Everything I try to do seems to just blow up in my face.

Tragedy 3:

My dad dies. This one really screws me over. I torture myself and the people around my by lack of motivation, i try and i try, but i can't pull myself away, its like a drug. and i apologize.

Tragedy 4:

Her....

I can't believe it took me this long to figure out what I do when i'm depressed. I mean, i dont cut, i have recently, but i dont know. I'm pretty sane, but I guess instead of how a lot of people will work out, cut themself, cry, or isolate themself.... I just do all of it.

When it enters another day of depression, i feel like I'm worthless. I workout to try and put some self confidence in myself. As the day progresses I play games, anything to get my mind off of what's going on. Then i feel like i want to hang out with some friends, but i never bring myself to dial phone numbers. When the day is almost over, i just cry, i have cut before, and it actually does make your body release a chemical that calms you. So when you told me "every drop of blood seems to be a dissappearing problem," you were right, at least medically. But nonetheless, i still hate cutting, whether or not i can be a hypocrite.